City Council Unveils Plan to Install Forty-Foot Block of Concrete in Middle of John Nolen Intersection

“There’s few things more important than the safety of our community.” - Chairman Fredrickson

This Thursday Madison city council resolved in favor of a new plan to install a block of concrete between the intersection of John Nolen Drive and East Lakeside Street. The concrete block will act as a physical safety measure ensuring that drivers will not exceed the posted speed limit.

The plan comes as a novel form of traffic calming, a school of traffic engineering surrounding road architecture. The proposed block is intended to psychologically urge drivers to slow down and proceed carefully. To supplement this effect, the block will also be plastered with posters of crying dogs presumed to be deceased or injured due to car accidents.

The red light at the intersection will also be held for an additional five seconds. This change is intended to promote a sense of serenity in busy drivers who may otherwise feel burdened by material obligations like their career or promptly-scheduled appointments. The following reduction in road-rage incidents and increase in overall happiness is expected to boost important economic sectors related to trampolines and frolicking.

The construction is estimated to last three years and traffic will be reduced to a one lane system which changes direction depending on even or odd calendar days, similar to some current street-parking zones. Madison’s progressive Mobility and Infrastructure division cited European traffic policy as a major inspiration behind the design.

Construction on the project will begin December 25th, 2028, immediately following completion of the current John Nolen reconstruction project.